Goodbye ... Take Care

It all started with missed calls and emails, it all began in a church parking lot. Maybe six or seven years ago. The sting.. I call it the sting. the feeling of you was sweet. i was never one for chocolates or candies but your taste and touch and feel was everything and more for me. I held you in my heart all these years, because there was nothing more that could replace that feeling. That deep heart touching feel you gave me in the mornings, how i could talk about nonsense without judgement. Our mines clicked as if (at least for me) that you were built for me, then again... love is blind.

One day that was all gone like it was some blink of eye. Like there you were then goodbyes had passed. We let the fear of knowing the real us go. I kept you inside me apart of you has always belonged to me. I would have held you through the brink of times. I gave into your delicious delicacy that you were to me when you decided it was okay to come around. You gave me life when i was dying.. even thought you weren't mine. We come around we fight and then we leave that was us. That is us that all us will ever be. But i disguised the reality with hope. I always held that on with your name. Why did i hold on so hard to you, when i knew you were what hurt me the most.

Id ask myself why couldn't i ever have you for my forever, was it just me. why couldn't i go away, when i knew that was the place i needed to go. You taunt me, you do not know you do this but you make this chase this obstacle harder then it should be to figure out.

At one point i was at peace with letting it all go, I had figured your tricks of your trade the lies and conspiracies the reasoning behind you loops, but i thought i was stronger I thought i could have left it behind with nothing to feel. I was so tired of the let down. Consistently being broken by your words or actions. You have no idea what i put myself through without anyone to talk about you with.

Why cant i be yours, I ask myself everyday since those years ago. All the others in the way that kept me sane. they never took it all away, they never got all of me because i had given you the biggest part of me to you , you held me.. all these years you held me .Everything in your hands. But now that i need help to figure this out who do i go to. where do i go. Because the last loop has come again.

I cant love you .. and its not a feeling it is the reality... Im not allowed to love you. As if i had some absent dad, i long for you attention.

Goodby take care until it comes again.

It all ended with self care, .... no more missed calls could be missed for days like this.

Its not me anymore i am not going to to concave to your ideal excellence your taunts or your wants. If you wanted me then trying harder would not have been your half ways, I have never done wrong by you i have fought by you even when the fight was not mine. I thought that this was stronger and i thought could handle it longer ,do not come running back to me when you find you, i wont ever be ready for you. I will never be because i cannot be held to someone expectations when someone never wants to be held to mine.

O how i wish things would have changed along time ago..

Good bye take care.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo6rekiGvmM